Perfection. This was a motto that I religiously followed and strove to be my entire life. I always did what I was told, and held myself to the highest of expectations.
I wanted to be the best at everything I did, but I did not have a reason behind it at all. Everyone told me I was doing amazing and doing great in life, but by the time I reached college, I had never felt more lost. People say you figure out who you are in college, but somehow between being a Pre-Med major and DII collegiate athlete I became overwhelmed. It started off very small, the tightening of my chest, the inability to catch my breath, then all of the sudden everything came crashing down. I held myself fully accountable for every little mistake that was made, not forgiving myself for making human errors and constantly bashing myself. My friends were beautiful, thoughtful, kind and had everything going for them, I couldn't understand why I didn't (or at least I thought I didn't). My anxiety was at an all time high and my thoughts consistently kept telling me I was worthless, that I did not matter to anyone. Everything became too overwhelming. That's when I took matters into my own hands, and attempted to end my life completely. Luckily with the support of the most amazing friends, my attempt failed. It has been two years since that terrifying time in my life and I've done nothing but thank everything that I did not go through with it. It took a lot of hard work but I realized how fortunate I was to have my entire future ahead of me filled with the most loving people. How could I end my life when my ultimate passion was to save someone else's? I began asking putting myself in other people's shoes, I would never think of another person the way I had felt, so why would I constantly bash myself? That's when I threw myself into what I love the most: helping people. I transferred closer to home and focused all my efforts into my schoolwork. While I did not stick with the demanding needs of a Pre-Med major, I did find a love for Exercise Oncology. Now I am a senior at The Ohio State University working with those currently undergoing treatment for cancers and looking for specific health/exercise programs that help diminish the nasty side effects that come with cancer therapy. No matter what you are not alone. Someone, somewhere is out there loving you and would be crushed to lose you. Take your passions and chase them, it will lead to that purpose you may have been needing to find all along.