Let me first say I'm so thankful you started this site and I heard about it on the news this morning and now I am here.

Let me first say I'm so thankful you started this site and I heard about it on the news this morning and now I am here. I feel as though I'm really losing it this time. I am 45 years old with two beautiful children. I have suffered from depression since I was 14 and tried to commit suicide, I ended up in a coma and started treatment shortly there after. I started having panic attacks about 9 years ago while going thru a divorce. I went to counseling and medicine and responded fairly well I thought. 

My ex husband is an alcoholic, I believe he has mental issues and just chooses alcohol to self medicate. 
Last month my life changed so much and now I'm struggling so much to find my new normal. My family/support system is very limited. My parents passed over 20 years ago. I have a brother who is disabled and a sister who was also disabled and got sick last month with a blood infection, she passed within 3 weeks and to watch her in hospice was just awful. I found myself unable to work and be able to concentrate. My ex husband really stepped up and helped me with our teenage daughter and just being there for me while I dealt with all of this. He even would help get my disabled brother to church for me so I could go early to the women's group. 


Since all of this has happened I have been to see my counselor which I haven't even needed for months. He told me this is just grief, but I'm not sure. The panic attacks are back and often. I feel paralized with fear at times, I have isolated myself so much from most of my friends, I don't feel like going anywhere. I have a problem with socialization and it has gotten much worse. I feel no happiness. The only thing that helps is working out and reading my bible or self help books but then as soon as I stop, the racing thoughts are back. I really don't know where to go from here. I do know that God is in control and I will pray for his help.