I am broken. I am burdened. I feel worthless and stupid and inferior to those around me.
I don't feel like I belong. I'm in an unhealthy state of comparison and I can't stop comparing myself with others but I want to because it is poisoning me. My chest is tight and my throat is tied in a knot. I can't stop hearing my thoughts and dwelling on them. I feel like an outcast, like everyone else is better. They get better grades, they get better jobs, they get paid more, praised more, portrayed more. My depression is crippling me. It's weighing down my head and pushing it into my shoulders, kinking up my neck and collapsing my spine. I don't know what I'm doing or what I need to write to feel better. I say horrible things to myself in my head. I tell myself how stupid and incompetent and inadequate I am. I want to be superior to others and when I'm not, my world falls apart because all my worth is in my superiority. I don't know how to escape that. I want to be superior to the person I'm with, but right now I'm not because his grades are better and I feel like I am less. I don't know how to cope with that. All my insecurities flood in and I drown in them, over and over and over again. I can't even write this letter correctly, because my thoughts are in shambles.
Why am I so broken?