I've been in love with a woman for going on 4 years it's been one heck of a roller coaster ride

I've been in love with a woman for going on 4 years it's been one heck of a roller coaster ride we start off in love things go great for a couple months then alcohol gets involved we say hurtful things she's leaves we split up that's been the cycle for almost 4 years now 

ok we have been split up now since July 4th yet something keeps bringing us back together she lives in washington and I live 20 minutes from there she's recently started staying with me on weekends telling me how much she loves me she even started wearing my rings again but here I sit confused and not knowing what to do because of our past and the alcohol

no one wants us together so it's really hard she says she loves me but there is no action so my mind starts thinking bad things like she playing a game does she really love me or am i just here cause she gets lonely im hurting so deep i just dont know what to do is it me or is she playing me and if she's playing me how do I let go of someone I'm so deeply in love with she's on my mind 24/7

I'll text her and say I love u and I miss u and I get no response I try to call she don't answer someone please help me I've been in and out of the emergency room for suicidal thoughts way to much I love her is there any help