DUI. Three simple letters that completely turns one or more lives upside down.

DUI. Three simple letters that completely turns one or more lives upside down. In that case, it is my husband and myself. My husband received his second DUI in February 2017, just under two years before his previous offense. Almost a whole year later, and we're still suffering from his actions. 

Legally, everything is beginning to happen. House arrest begins in a few weeks, he loses his license for 18 months in another few weeks. Yes that's all terrible for him, but the real issue is trust in our marriage. After being together for ten years, I knew what I was getting myself into in college. He was a huge drinker, as was I and everyone around him. It was college. I thought he'd grow out of it. He is a manager where he works, which is very rewarding. We live a comfortable lifestyle, which has also fueled his drinking over the years. 
There are so many things I want to blame his drinking on: his father is an alcoholic and had a kidney and liver transplant two years ago. His hours are terrible. He doesn't have much of a life outside of work, which leads to his drinking on the weekends. His lack of empathy towards others, particularly myself in all of this. He blames me. I left him at a friends house where he was supposed to spend the night, but he got a hold of his keys and chose to drive home that night. He got pulled over minutes from our house. The cops only stopped him because he was going over 20 miles the speed limit. Other than that, he would have been in the clear, like so many other drunken nights before.


I am just as guilty for drinking and driving in the past. But after his first DUI I stopped. With the expansion of Uber in our city, it was a no brainer to use it. It's still cheaper than a DUI. Trust me. A second one is even more costly, between the lawyer fees, then the state fines. Thousands on top of previous thousands. 
I want to wake up from this dream. I have given up on so much in my 30 years of life. Jobs, friendships, sports, but yet I stay in the most toxic relationship one can have. Verbal, physical, emotional abuse, it's all a red flag to leave, but why can't I?