I’m a pretty positive person, but times have been tough for me lately.

 

Listen, Lucy: I’m a pretty positive person, but times have been tough for me lately. Foolishly, I thought I had an idea of what my future was going to look like and that I had it all figured out. The idea that I am not totally in control and there is a higher power that is influencing my life is a lesson that I apparently have not learned yet, but I’m starting to come around to that idea.

For whatever reason, things have never come easily to me. I was never the type of kid who could just show up to class, not take notes, and still ace the test. As an athlete, I never accomplished things in the timely fashion that I always wanted to. This doesn’t mean that I have never had success, but it just takes way longer for me than I would like. One of the people on my “board of advisors” always tells me that my skill set is not one that gets noticed quickly, but rather it is one that wins out over time. In other words, it’s not sexy, but I always end up winning out in the end. 


In a life full of peaks and valleys, I am without a doubt in a valley. I’ve been struggling emotionally and physically. Some days are better than others, but there really are some crappy ones mixed in there. However, one of the things that my non-sexy skill set has taught me is how to deal with tough circumstances, because fortunately, I have been in them a handful of times. 


This skill set of mine is centered on humility and understanding that not only do I need help, but it’s okay to seek it. It’s actually better than okay, it’s smart as hell! When you’ve been kicked to the curb, fired, told you’re not good enough, had your plans wrecked, etc., it is important to look around and see who is there for you. A lot of times when we are in a rut we may feel alone, but we really aren’t. I am so fortunate to have an INCREDIBLE support system who has literally dropped everything for me countless amounts of times. However, while leaning on your support system is awesome and I really do think it helps, I have also realized how important it is in times of struggle to look in the mirror and think about some things. 


When I look in the mirror I see a bunch of things. I see pride, I see power, and I see a bada** mudda that don’t take no crap from nobody. All kidding aside, I really do see an awesome person with a good heart who has his/her intentions straight. But I also see someone who has imperfections that need worked on, and someone who is humble enough to admit that and seek the proper help. 
Recently I have been meeting with two people that have been beacons of light in my life. One is a therapist and one is a coworker who I have become really close with. They both understand me and challenge me to really think about things in ways that I never have before. Without coming out and saying that I lack patience, both of these people have talked about the importance of patience and how it is a skill that can be improved upon and mastered. We have had deep discussions about it and each of them has given me exercises to work on it. I am the first to admit that I lack patience, which has really been an interesting dynamic with things never coming easily to me. But it goes back to me not being totally in control, and being okay with that. In this society in which everyone is constantly concerned with instant satisfaction, myself included, I have found that it is really important for me to understand that I am not in control of all things and there is a different path for me than the one I had dreamed up in my mind. The good news is that the path that is intended for me and all of us is way better than anything we could ever mentally conceive, because God is freaking awesome. We just have to trust in the process, be patient and proactive, and let the Big Guy do his thing.