It's the weeks when I can't, or don't want to get out of bed for 4 or 5 days in a row. When leaving home to go on a 10 minute errand seems like climbing a mountain.
I've lived with my Seasonal Affective Disorder for so many years now, but it still sucks. I know what it is, and I know exactly what is happening to me, the science behind it, and how to treat it, but that NEVER makes it any less awful.
The overwhelming feeling that I don't want to do anything at all except sleep. I want so badly to be able to get just one thing done from my checklist, but I can't. Every task seems impossible. My brain can't think of anything except nothingness. Everyday life becomes really, really hard.
I know that I will never be free from this, and I know I will always overcome it, but it still just SUCKS. It will never get easier, but it's always comforting that I can recognize it now. Things were 1000x worse when I thought this was happening for no reason, when there wasn't an answer in sight.
There's lots of treatment in my future for the dark months ahead, and guess what - it sucks! But you know...I'm okay with it. It's the way that I am, and I'm okay with it.