I feel like I have been making a significant amount of progress in my life. Honestly, I’m becoming the person that I always wanted to be. I always try to keep a positive attitude, work as hard as I possibly can, and most importantly, be nice to everyone, all the time.
That last example is sometimes hard for me though, because for whatever reason, I have an anger streak in me. It rarely ever comes out, but when it does, it is the ugliest side of me. It has resulted in me fighting some of my closest friends, saying things I would never say, and hurting people that I would never want to hurt. I have thought really long and hard about this, and honestly, I still don’t know the answer. Why is it that when some things happen to people, they are able to keep cool, calm, and collected? But in others, like me, it pisses them off so deeply that it triggers a reaction out of them.
After listening to you speak and reading your stories, I really have been trying to accept this flaw about me. In no way does that mean that I am not trying to do anything about it, but in some ways, it is in my DNA.
People in my family tree have anger problems; they are loud, swear often, and are extremely passionate. And after deep reflection, for me, I think that is where this all comes from. I am so passionate about life, whether it is my job, my family, my friends, my hobbies, it doesn’t matter at. This passion that is in my blood has helped me become successful in so many areas. But, I pour so much into each facet of my life, that when something upsets me, it deeply upsets me, and that passion that I have can be turned into anger.
Lucy, I’m not even sure that I know where I am going with this, because I don’t have it figured out myself. But it does feel good to get these words out, because it’s something that has been bothering me for a couple of years.
I am going to keep working on my anger. I am going to take deep breaths. I am going to continue living with the passion that makes me, me. But I am going to continue to try to bottle it and remove myself from situations that make me feel that way. I am going to keep working on me.