I feel empty.

Listen, Lucy;

 

I feel empty. The kind of empty where a cold shower washes over me but I don't feel the drops of water hit my skin. The kind of empty that makes it hard for me to explain to those who don't understand what it feels like inside. I never realized that until today my whole well being is dependent on my medicine. Now that I have run out of it and have to be without it for a week, I feel like my security blanket has been ripped from me. Is that how my whole life will be? Will always need my medicine to be able to smile and not feel as if I'm not truly in my own body? At this rate, sadly I think so. But to be honest I love the way I feel when I'm on my medicine. I feel alive and healthy. So I'd rather be dependent on something that makes me feel whole then be empty without it.