I feel so lost. I had a major breakdown this past weekend. It hurt so much, especially after having so many good days in a row.

Listen, Lucy,

I feel so lost. I had a major breakdown this past weekend. It hurt so much, especially after having so many good days in a row. They're switching my medication. I don't know how much of the breakdown was due to the medication and how much was due to my anxiety and depression and how much was due to the surrounding circumstances. The doctor said that it isn't my fault that that happened, that I was doing something wrong to make that happen. I feel so confused. I don't know who to blame. I don't know how to think about it. I don't really even know how I'm feeling except lost and dead inside. I just want to feel better. I want to be normal again. I want to blame something. I want people to understand how much this is killing me every single day. I'm wearing so thin. I'm breaking. I don't know where the hope is. I want all the answers, but I don't have many of them at all. I'm lost. I'm confused. I'm scared. I don't know how I'm feeling, and I don't know what is the medication and what isn't and what's justifiable and what isn't and what I can blame and what I can't and how to even think about this. I know I'm not alone but I feel so alone.