Do you ever feel like you miss someone so much, it feels like your heart is a magnet pulling towards theirs? Like if you could hop on an airplane this very instant to go see them, the airplane would move faster from the force of the magnets? You would feel something inside of you that is stronger than comfort. When happiness and love and memories and connectivity all mingle.
Have you ever had a feeling like this, shared it with the other magnet, only to find that their feelings are completely opposite from yours? That they don't even want to speak to you. Maybe it's because their life is all too overwhelming - that feeling that feeling, happiness/comfort/magnetism , would just be distracting. It's hard to choose a reason for someone else's actions. You just always want to hope that they have the best intentions. That it's nothing personal. Nothing that could crush you.
Have you ever felt crushed? A single instant that crushes you to the core, your heart starts racing, you feel like you are going to throw up, your mind wants to know why? What happened? What did I do to make you feel this way? The problem with pushing people away is that now, I am unwelcome. If I want to know how you are, I know that I am a nuisance. A distraction in your life that you won't need.
Have you ever felt unneeded? It's toxic. A feeling that can crush you. Lower than low. Its on your mind every second of the day. Especially when you're lonely. Making someone feel unneeded leaves so many blank spaces in their hearts and minds. Blank spaces become filled. Filled with thoughts of unworthiness, regret, perpetual loneliness. Things that can make you spiral lower than lower than low. I know because I've been there.
And with every inkling of strength that my soul can muster up, I WILL NOT let this crush me. I AM NOT unworthy, or unneeded. I WILL NOT let this bring me lower.
The next time you decide that your life is too hectic, and you want to tell someone that they are unneeded in your life, think about feeling unneeded. Or try to. You might start to feel like you need them more than ever.