I am a freshman in college...

¨Listen, Lucy:

I am a freshman in college. I have been in relationship before. My most serious relationship was my sophomore year of high school it was the first guy I truly loved and said it too. By the end he was abusive with his words and I would take it. He kept me on a leash and I let him. I lost a lot of friends, connections, and missed a lot of events. He broke up with me leaving me heartbroken I was crushed and he knew I was so even after we broke up he was still able to drag me along thinking he still loves me. I finally figured him out and stopped it. However my junior, senior year I was used by four guys sexually (not all at the same) and at the time I thought that meant he liked me and we would date soon, but then they would leave me for a pretty, more better girl. I was crushed every single time I would cry myself asleep. This past summer I finally was in a real relationship (or so I thought). He seemed caring and different to me but a week before I left for college he dumped me said all he wanted was a summer fling didn't even have feelings for me. I have never felt that heartbroken since my sophomore year. I don't have feelings for him anymore because he crushed mine. But it did scar me and made me give up. I feel like I will never find the right guy for me he isn't out there. I have been hurt too much that my guard is a steel wall that is 10 feet thick. I am tired of the tears. On top of that I won't get to have the family I have always wanted. Most important I feel like I will never have that person who is my world who knows how to treat me in any situation. Bringing tears to my eyes. I am done and I give up on trying to have that person...¨