I've been super stressed lately. My grandfather has recently not been doing well, and he has spent a lot of time suffering in the hospital. Also, my mom, who also happens to be my best friend and closest confidant, is having surgery to remove part of her breast that needs to be tested for cancer.
On top of everything else, IT'S FINALS!
I'm having a lot of trouble concentrating, and all I ever want to do is sleep. My boyfriend is so sweet and really understands me, but I feel like sometimes he doesn't know what to say or how to treat me when I feel upset about what's going on at home. I feel guilty, like I'm wasting his time or something when I'm crying or just need to vent. It's not his fault, he just hasn't had anything like this happen to him before.
Normally, I am so strong. I'm the rock... People come to me when they need help or someone to confide in... and now I'm the one looking for a hand to hold.
It's also really hard for me to tell other people how I'm feeling or why I'm upset. I think a lot of my friends see me as someone who can take on the world with no problem and that nothing can get me down. But I don't think they understand how I feel when I crawl into bed at night and can't sleep because I'm so overwhelmed with the things going on in my life. I start to sweat and shake and cry because I know that when I wake up the next day, anything can happen... and that scares me. It scares me that I might not do well in school. It scares me that my grandfather could die at any moment. It really really really scares me that my mom could face the terrors of cancer. Most of all, though, it scares me that I, the strong rock that so many people depend on, am so scared.