It begins in elementary school...

"Listen Lucy"

It begins in elementary school. As long as I could remember I was always hyper nervous and full of thought and energy. Then I would drag become sad and inconsolable. These episodes, that I have come to call them, happened more and more frequently... crying for no reason... I would stay home from school because I was such a wreck. My mom was diagnosed with depression and so at 14 appointments made, doctors diagnosed, I was told that other people don't think like I do. People don't think sad thoughts. They don't get sad for no reason. It's not normal to think of hurting yourself and definitely not "normal" to think of yourself not being around or dead. Didn't help getting picked on and outcast  in school.

 

My senior year of high school I found friends that understood and college, where I was no longer shackled by accepting small town norms, was able to be myself free and solitude became Zen and now new chapters in my life have triggered new challenges. Depression never ends the mania is broken with episodes of constant sadness and anxiousness. Going days without sleep and little things making you cry... trying to convince yourself that you are needed. It's a never ending battle but I get better and better at suppressing the emotions. I'll fight for myself as long as I can. I have accepted myself this way, and honestly I wouldn't change it.