Admired Listen, Lucy,
First of all, it is an honour for me to write this post. I wholeheartedly thank you for the creation of this platform, the acceptance movement and all of your initiatives and those of all the people who share their story here. Thank you all.
I'm 21 years old and I have recently known about the existence of my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and my anxiety. I believe I'm not yet worthy of sharing a great experience full of meaning as the ones I have read in Listen, Lucy so far, but I have stumbled upon several initiatives such as#WearYourLabel and all those from Project Urok (in addition to Listen, Lucy, of course), which inspired me to do it. I have something to say too.
My head goes around in circles, it deals with so many thoughts at the same time, it squeezes them hurting me. It induces me to believe and even to feel things which I cannot stand. I have to be constantly changing activity and encouraging myself to start again, to go on, to fight. It is usually exhausting. Moreover, at night, it appears as nightmares or insomnia. To have OCD and anxiety is, allow me the irony, maddening. Everyday is a nuclear bomb and I can never imagine the following attack, but... this is not what I wanted to say. What I wanted to say is that I thank God for creating me how I am. Yes, I give thanks for having OCD and anxiety. I'm "flawed" and proud of it. This makes me strong. It helps me to deal with the life's setbacks and to face the complications and deceptions that this life brings with it. Thanks to this disorder my worries are not useless, to be like this makes me sympathetic. I can help the others, understand them when they suffer. Wait for them when they are blind of anger or of pain and they deny to see anything positive. To be faithful and constant. To remember everything. I can forgive actions that don't seem reasonable or which are out of the ordinary, since I have behaved the same way and I still do in many occasions and I always feel God's forgiveness. I can deeply know myself, mature and be aware of the immense needs of the human being, of this world, and how much I can contribute with my little work of everyday. I'm not gonna give up. Don't give up you either.
I'm still a “little girl” and thanks to this disorder and the anxiety, to the fight for overcoming I have to struggle every day, I am becoming a big one. My heart is getting bigger and I feel more and more full of love, more and more I can love, understand and support others.
Thanks to my hard-working brain and my need to do many and different activities, I'm constantly learning new things and witty and creative ideas come to my mind in order to put this love that invades me into practice. God, which is this love I'm talking about, holds me everyday and takes me out from death wells where I drown.
Never give up fighting because you are giving your life to save others. You will have your reward.