When I was creating this site...
When I was creating this site, I had a conversation with a couple of people about how much of the past I wanted to talk about and its importance to the success of this page. I felt like it was not important for me to get into the details, but to give an oversight as to what I went through because it shows how important this site is to me. I am still overwhelmed by the support, kind words and amazing submissions to my project. I want to help people find their way through difficult times-- I hope this site is doing that. What I didn’t realize was how much it was going to help me, even though I have been healthy for so long now.
A few weeks ago, I spoke at my old high school in a class where I sat and studied English. It was a really cool experience and it was my first time publicly speaking about Listen, Lucy. A lot of my issues started in that high school. I was sick and turned into a nightmare version of the lively teenager that I once was. It was one of the hardest times in my life and I always felt a pit in my stomach when I thought back to high school, especially that year.
I spoke to the students about my past, how I got into writing and why I wanted to create this site. I explained how alone I felt and I would never wish that upon anyone. The teacher thanked me and I left the school feeling a bit of triumph. I was able to return to where it all started and speak about how I got through it. I didn’t realize how important it was for me until a few days later.
I have worked really, really hard to get to where I am and sometimes I forget about how bad it was. I have tried to remain positive and I rarely let myself think back to those times but, really, working so hard to get healthy is why I am who I am (I learned this through one of the past entries on this site). It is also how I came about creating this site and now I have been able to read all of these stories and share them with my small world.
I promise you it does get better. I am hoping someone that reads this post thinks, “I can get there.”
I am not a huge success but I am happy and I am healthy and while I have a huge group of people to thank for helping me get there, the person I need to thank the most is myself-- as cheesy as it may sound. I make no apologies for my past or the issues I face day-to-day because we are all a work in progress. Progress is all you can ask for and little by little you have to keep working to get better. You will get there. You will also have your moment when you can look back on a crappy time in your life and see how far you have come and think, “I am awesome.”