To Mr. Misleading...
To Mr. Misleading,
When I look back at when we first met, I don’t remember you the way that I do now. I don’t remember you affecting my every day; my personality, my behaviors, my overall poor choices. It was innocent then, you didn’t control me. I’m not quite sure when that changed. I guess I can look back and see signs that you would eventually overtake me, but none so powerful that I could predict my feelings about you today. Many years after our first meeting, you became more important to me than I ever wanted you to become. I didn’t ask for your presence to be so overwhelming, although you had a different plan for your part in my life. You became the thing I turned to, the one constant in what seemed to be an unfair life in my eyes. Too much pressure, too many expectations, too many things that should have happened that didn’t. And you numbed all of them. Through thick and thin, you were there. Some good times sure, but mostly you created a chain of events that eventually would spiral out of control. I’m not sure where I lost hold of your power of me, but all I need to know at this point in my life, is that you won that battle at that time. The thing I hate the most about you is that yes, I didn’t ask for you to overtake me. But more importantly, that I saw signs and still continued to allow you to be most important in my life. Every day you reared your ugly head. I would try my hardest to run away as fast as I could, but you were faster and stronger than I ever was. I used to pride myself on being strong, on knowing right from wrong, on knowing when enough was enough. But with you, it was different. You ran me until I almost died. And that wasn’t good enough. You still hadn’t killed me, and your plan was to not stop until you did. I know this now. I know your game, and I know your plan. Good news for me is that I did finally get it. I am finally faster and stronger than you ever thought I could be. Bad news for you is that I’m done. I’m done with the vicious cycle of dealing with you. Dealing with the façade you created when all the while you were just killing me inside. Dealing with the numbness you caused for a moments time, only for reality to eventually set back in. I did it for too long, and I’m tired. It’s safe to say that you’ll always linger around, waiting for me to come back, plotting your grand plan that you haven’t yet completed. I’ve accepted that. I can tell you today that you can keep waiting, because I’m not coming back. I’m happy. I’m free. I finally feel hope. You have no idea how that feels when you caused me to have none for as long as I can remember. So this is goodbye. Goodbye to our tumultuous relationship that I try my hardest to not resent. And I say that because I don’t want to live with regret, live in the past of wishing and wanting to do things over. I am who I am today, scars and all, and that’s okay with me. I bet you didn’t think I’d ever say that, did you? So I choose to not look back and reminisce on how we first met, on how it got to this point. I know you now, and that’s all I need to know."