Over the past year I have been through so many life changes.

Over the past year I have been through so many life changes. I’ve been through heartbreak, failures at work, my body physically breaking down, death of significant people in my life… you name it. All of that can take its toll on you. It has taken its toll on me physically, mentally, and above all, emotionally. But the crazy thing about all that negative stuff happening is that there is so much positivity that surrounds it if we choose to look at it though that lens. 

I may have finally reached my breaking point.

 I may have finally reached my breaking point. After 24 years I think I might have finally lost my patience with people, and the things they do. I remember the first time I was lied to. I was five when I first discovered that Santa Claus wasn't real. The little white lie that most parents tell their children snowballed into a full blown scandal. I couldn't believe that they would lie to me about something so arbitrary, and too this day I am still filled the same sense of betrayal when someone goes back on their word. 

 

Growing up I had the best mom, at least that’s what i thought.

Growing up I had the best mom, at least that’s what i thought. Around 18, she stopped showing up at home because of another man. I was kicked out of my house, sent off to college and left figuring out life without my “best friend”. We tried reconciling our differences over the years but I was always blamed for her never having a childhood because I was born when she was 16. Mostly during these blames and fights, she was intoxicated which only made things 100x worse. I will always be her issue, even if she “loves” me.

When I was 21, one of my favorite authors and speakers, Frank Warren, came to my college.

When I was 21, one of my favorite authors and speakers, Frank Warren, came to my college to talk about Post Secret-- a project he started to encourage strangers to anonymously share their innermost secrets with him. Those secrets then became art exhibits, social media posts and, most importantly, books. These books changed my life. Reading them was the very first time I didn’t feel alone in my mental illness.

 

My cousin first turned me on to Listen, Lucy during her battle with cancer. I asked what I could do for help, or how I could support her, and she replied "Join the movement!"

I always wanted to be a mom. Growing up, I would have these intense moments where I just wanted to have a baby so bad! I loved my cousins' kids, I loved holding babies...I just knew I was going to be a great mom someday. I got married, we waited awhile, and in my late 20s we started trying to get pregnant. That was a battle in of itself; I had to go to fertility clinics, take the Clomid regime, etc. etc., and finally on Christmas of 2013 we got pregnant with our son. He's 3 years old now and he's a hoot, and we now have a 1-year-old daughter too. But something keeps coming back to haunt me...why don't I love being a mom as much as I thought I would?